The Awakening

 Pardon the melodrama. This is how I came to identify with the goth subculture.

growing up

There are many moments you can point to when trying to pinpoint the beginning of an obsession. I think of the haunted houses my dad and I would visit every October since the first grade, or how we always had the best decorated house for Halloween. I still miss the smell of those smoke machines and the tattered handmade ghosts flying above our lawn. I think of when my mom first showed 8-year-old me the movie Beetlejuice while on vacation, and how she emphasized that I would love it. I think of walking to elementary school with my dad, and asking him what his favorite medieval torture device was. He thought that was weird and I shouldn't ask him again. 

I loved the haunted houses so much, it became my dream to work at the best one in Houston the minute I was old enough. I worked there for two years, but Covid kind of ruined that. However gothic my inclinations were though, there was always a disconnect with music. Going to a private Christian high school, there wasn't much diversity in music scenes, let alone culture in general. Modern day music always came up short for me, so I naturally gravitated towards musical theatre. The Phantom of the Opera, Sweeney Todd, and Sunday in the Park have reigned as my undisputed favorites for many years. 

Senior year was very difficult, and as many can relate there is a lot of pressure to figure out where you want to go and who you want to be. It was during this time that I discovered the Rocky Horror Picture Show. I could make an entire post about how much that show changed my life and gave me the epiphany to set forth on becoming who I am today. I wanted to get a fine arts degree, and UNT was the best place I could swing it.  Along with the life-changing message "don't dream it, be it," I had the realization that the show was set in a place called Denton, coincidentally sharing a name with a potential college town of mine. Naturally I took the message and ran with it.

My first time seeing the Rocky Horror Show, live, 2021.

Denton: Home of Happiness

Just five hours north of my upbringing, I was exposed to so many different types of people. So many types of oddballs and expressive individuals that I deeply admired and wanted to emulate. This is especially noticeable as an art student. During my second semester, I sat at a table in a studio art class with a distinctly goth person (who later became my fairy gothmother and close friend) Grace. She had some sort of preternatural style that was totally alluring. We were driving around one day with her playlist going, and I mentioned to her that I've never heard music like that before. Song after song, each one equally as transfixing. It was utterly delightful, and filled an auditory void I didn't know I had. She recommended I listen to the album "First and Last and Always" by the Sisters of Mercy. I gave it a spin, no dice. It must've been the long and tiresome drive to Houston that kept it from hitting. I think I even almost fell asleep. Anyways, by some miracle I had not yet thrown in the towel.

finding the cure

One day I took an edible in my dorm room and decided to check out The Cure. I put my headphones on, dimmed the lights, and closed my eyes on the top of my lofted bunk. Like throwing a blind dart I picked out Kiss Me Kiss Me Kiss Me from their essential album selection. The pulsating buildup of The Kiss' intro immediately hooked me. After listening to all their albums, I still think it might be one of the greatest opening tracks ever. I don't think it's too out of the blue that my thirst for 80s music quickly became insatiable, with a specific lust for the melancholic spunk of postpunk and goth. 

About four years later and a personal blog seemed in order to delve into my favorite albums and gothic exploits. I hope to talk about all aspects of the subculture and carve out my own little world on this blog. I hope the name sticks, too. My experience with this subculture has been nothing short of deeply fulfilling and almost religious in some ways. I am truly glad to have found it, and hopefully it resonates with my future self or anyone who has read this far. Okay, time to hop off my soapbox.