Let's all sit down and cry

                                                                    This Mortal Coil

Like many of my hobbies, this blog has died but I feel like I need to hold myself to a lower standard in order to revive it. It's a heavy task to analyze entire albums, and frankly I don't have the time on a weekly basis to do so. I just need to use this blog as an outlet for whatever whim I feel like expressing into the digital void regardless of my own personal rules. I also am slowly trying to weed out social media from my life. So far, I'm down to just Reddit and Facebook (and LinkedIn). I deleted Instagram without telling anybody and it's been liberating, but I'm sure many people think I am ghosting them. This blog's engagement will surely be impacted without that extra promo.

A lot has happened since my last post; most significantly my childhood dog, Penny Lane, died of old age. I also started my last semester at UNT. I'm constantly grappling with the fact that no matter how special i thought I was growing up I continue to prove myself to be average. I don't have any best friends in my class anymore, and the one who was doesn't even read this blog (which doesn't really matter but it does get on my nerves. Nobody's fault, just feeling feelings.) I don't even think my own boyfriend ever read this blog either. I do know it shouldn't matter if anybody or nobody reads it, but it really does make it harder to do things when nobody will notice. Back to class -- I feel like everyone has their friends and there is no room for me. I don't know if I come off too strong, too annoying, too self-deprecating? Probably. But everytime I open my mouth I can't help if the lamentations that flood my head pour out. 

I am in a really interesting art history class, Topics of the Body in Victorian Art and Design. I don't socialize in that class except for whenever Dani is there, but she she's 0/2 classes trying to skip it. The thing is; I don't necessarily want to socialize in that class. Something about design class makes the social void sting more. I don't know if it's how long we've all known each other at this point or sitting in the middle of two sets of friends riffing with each other. 

I don't want to graduate and I don't want to stay in Texas but I'm afraid both of those things will happen. I don't know where I'll get a job, I don't really have the drive to do so. The world seems very bleak right now, especially in this country. I don't find escapism through my designs, I find myself facing the really bleak reality that this isn't anything more to me than a day job. 


ALBUM OF THE DAY

It'll End In Tears - This Mortal Coil

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